Jesse Watters has become one of President-elect Donald Trump’s most prominent backers, thanks to his years as a political commentator and Fox News host. In the end, it was too much for her mother, Ann Watters. Days after Trump became president-elect, Watters told the world that his mother had stopped inviting him to Thanksgiving.
Voters were split down the middle in this year’s election. Now, as the country gears up for winter vacation, it’s doing the same for families.
As psychologists and national public opinion researchers specializing in family separation, we have been experiencing emotional polarization for some time, with once-close family members and friends limiting or cutting off contact for political reasons. I have noticed that it is increasing. In fact, political party affiliation has become the most important factor in determining who people connect with and exclude, transcending religion, race, ethnicity, gender, and other common fault lines.
To further explore the divisive impact of politics on family and friends, we collaborated on a nationally representative survey of American adults shortly after Election Day. We asked them whether their relationships with family and friends have changed because of politics, and if so, whether their contact has been limited or cut off as a result. We also asked what could bring them back together.
Additionally, we reached out to clients experiencing estrangement to share their stories.
This is what we found.
Are you estranged from your family because of politics? Polls show you’re not alone.
Today, one in two adults is estranged from a close relationship. The main explanation for these rifts is the behavior of family members, but about two in five say political differences are directly attributable. Of those who have been estranged over politics, almost half say the breakup occurred within the past year, and one in seven say the breakup occurred within the past month.
Severing their relationship includes cutting off all contact, even through an intermediary, and blocking them on social media.
Many people with intact families also feel the toxic power of politics in their intimate relationships. One-third of American adults say a relative’s political beliefs made them feel uncomfortable at a family gathering in the past year. A third also worries that future family gatherings will be overshadowed by political discussions.
Opinion: Thanksgiving cannot be shared. You voted to deport people who look like me.
There are no significant differences in the frequency of defections based on political beliefs or party affiliation, with liberals (21%) and conservatives (20%) defecting slightly more frequently than moderates (14%).
Tolstoy famously said, “Each unhappy family is unique,” but based on my years of family counseling experience, I can say that the pain before a fracture often has something in common with the pain that follows. .
Jonathan Simcoski, the self-described “gay son of a Southern Baptist preacher,” explained that he had decided to sever ties with his father. Although he didn’t agree with his father’s ideas when he was young, Simcoski said he can respect his father’s “noble pursuits.” Their “moral purity” sustained them, but they ended up supporting President-elect Donald Trump: “If you disagree that Donald Trump is uniquely unfit, please contact me. How could we agree on anything meaningful? That is, I feel that I can no longer trust or respect my parents. ”
A former police officer and Trump supporter wrote to us about his estrangement from his liberal son and wife over politics. He said he voted for Trump every time he ran for office, but his son and daughter-in-law say they are not Trump fans because he was a fan, and he has not been able to meet with his grandchildren. He also said that he had severed ties with Mr. Trump.
Most families estranged over politics say they hope for reconciliation.
Being on the same party side is not necessarily enough to prevent defection. The patriarch of a secular, left-wing Jewish family said he was traumatized by last year’s Hamas attack on Israel, but then realized his son had been posting Hamas “propaganda” on Instagram. After a month of exchanging emails, he cut her off “permanently” for promoting genocide.
Our polls show that most Americans would condemn the actions of these sons, whether provoked or not. Two-thirds of survey respondents agreed that separating oneself from one’s family over one’s political beliefs is not justified, and that most family disputes over politics are easily resolved.
However, it’s not easy. Slightly more than half of those estranged due to politics want to repair the situation, and while an apology with a relative or obvious change in behavior may increase the likelihood, Few people think it’s expensive.
OPINION: The election conversation you’re dreading could be an act of love this Thanksgiving
In our coaching and consultations, we have seen estranged families stuck in a stalemate, sometimes for years, waiting for each other to make the first move. The idea that apologizing shows weakness or betrays one’s values can drive once-close relatives away.
Our research shows that the feeling of loneliness or even a sense of holiday obligation is not enough to motivate many people to reconcile.
Families are more vulnerable than ever to political polarization
Family relationships may be more difficult today, regardless of religion, race, ethnicity, or gender. That’s because family relationships exist in what the late sociologist Zygmunt Bauman called “liquid culture,” a period characterized by rapidly changing norms and values.
The traditional bonds and common principles that once bound individuals and families have weakened, making connections more unstable and vulnerable to the pressures of political and cultural polarization.
This requires us to take responsibility for our own contributions to conflicts, to be more empathetic to the values and perspectives of others, and to work a little harder to avoid getting stuck in trying to prove the other person wrong. This means that there may be. It’s not an easy task in any relationship, but most people find the reward to be greater than the risk.
The old sentiment, “Never discuss religion or politics with someone who holds opposing views,” may have something to offer us, too. This belief is said to originate from Arthur Martin’s Handbook of Etiquette and Guide to True Civility, which was published shortly after the Civil War to promote civility and civility in social situations. Masu.
As for Fox News’ Watters, he ignored his on-air rejection of his Thanksgiving invitation. The comments that followed on social media took sides. X also had the following: “There are a lot of people in my family that I disagree with, but I keep my comments to myself. They have a right to their opinion. I have a right to what’s mine. There is.”
Quite quirky and appropriate.
Joshua Coleman is a psychologist, senior fellow at the Council on Modern Families, and author of The Rules of Alienation: Why Adult Children Cut Bonds and How to Heal Conflict. Will Johnson is the CEO of Harris Poll, one of the world’s leading polling companies.
