CIn fact, I don’t think anyone has spent any time reflecting on my 2024 attempt to write a column alongside respected journalists who actually make a living writing about it. But across a range of themes, from set-piece coaching to VAR, dark arts to PSR, the consistent theme appears to be midlife crisis, published directly on the Guardian app every fortnight.
Perhaps the opportunity to think about life every other week while staring at a blank document on my laptop has kept me away from the more intuitive clichés. Three-quarter-length skinny jeans, mustaches, and motorcycles seem far away.
However, as you drive by, you may come across groups of young people spending hours drinking in the park, soaking up the rays of the Australian sunset. I want to stop the car, get out of the car, and explain how thrilling it is, that there will come a time when this won’t matter, because of geography, kids, work, etc., and that I want to really enjoy every moment of it. is. .
Of course I wouldn’t do that because I’m insane. I don’t want a group of twenty-somethings to remember the time a strange middle-aged man with white hair got out of a car and was seriously talking about the passage of time.
Such concerns are not alleviated by the fact that each article has a photo of me from 2010. Ethan Nwaneri was 3 years old when this photo was taken. He is currently a starter in the Premier League. I don’t see myself that way in the mirror.
So, with your permission, I would like to publish here my letter from Baz Luhrmann to today’s soccer fans, fully aware of the following condescending tragedy. I hope this catharsis will stop me from humiliating anyone under 30 who crosses my path. Wearing sunscreen is good advice, but we don’t think it would be wise to recommend sunscreen to a predominantly UK-based audience experiencing winter, so let’s just take it for granted.
Start with the instrumental cover version of Rozalla.
Class of 2025, please don’t look at the replies.
If I could give you one tip for this year, it would be to ignore the replies. There’s nothing to be gained from watching two strangers have a long discussion about whether Mats Sells should be in this season’s Premier League team rather than David Raya.
Although the long-term benefits of spending less time on social media have been proven by scientists, the rest of my advice has no more reliable basis than my own meandering experience. I’ll stop giving this advice.
The result doesn’t matter. Really. Very few soccer teams win. It’s okay to be desperate for trophies. But you can love your soccer team forever and have a great time even if you don’t win anything.
Enjoy that pain. A game in which we didn’t get three points would be even worse when it came down to it. We can win again. It could be in League Two. The longer you wait, the better if you’re going to get a trophy.
When you win many times, your expectations change. Don’t get furious about winning. they are not rights.
If you’re going to an away game, enjoy the journey, the road trip, the canned food on the train. For most people, there will come a time when it will be just a memory.
Don’t listen to old people saying that soccer was better when they were younger. Obviously it was, but that’s not the point.
If you’re an older guy, it’s okay to indulge in some nostalgia, like Gareth Southgate’s pick of Bruce Hornsby and Range’s The Way It Is. Because it was played as background music to the results in the grandstand. I thought I was the only one who felt that way every time I heard it.
There is no correct definition of a proper fan. Maybe you grew up next to Griffin Park. You may have been born in Manila, but your grandmother gave you a Rotherham scarf when you were five years old. Maybe 30 years ago it defined your waking moments, but now it’s just a part of your life. Enjoy it as you like.
You will never get tired of beauty. The way someone drags a ball out of the air with the top of their foot or drives it into the underside of a bar. Admire the perfect camera angle as the shot starts outside the post and curves inward. Or the full-back just takes a shot.
There is no agenda against your club. PGMOL is not against you. The media is not against you.
If the ball bounces, it’s not just a half-volley. It must be hit on bounce (must be cleared immediately after falling to the ground). No discussion. Let’s learn this. Or just never call again.
No matter how much you pantomime and hate them, just know that you would love Emi Martinez or Marc Cucurella if they were playing on your team.
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The goalkeeper can be brought down at the near post.
Never stop playing. There is nothing to compare it to. Changing room. Deep heat. Knee support, ankle strap. Shape of shouting. I haven’t looked up someone’s real name for 10 years. control the ball. Victory with a header. Score a goal. First drink after the game.
It’s never OK to shout “they don’t want it” or “all day”.
Teach your children to kick with both feet. I really appreciate it.
After every game, send a message to your mom, dad, or the person who introduced you to soccer. I’m honored to still be able to do it. One day you won’t be able to do that.
Don’t ignore all the bad stuff: racism, misogyny, corruption, endless gambling, sportswashing, concussions, the worrying links between football and sexual and domestic violence. Terrible owner – your club could be next. Care about where your money comes from.
Don’t criticize 18 year olds because they don’t care about the above as much as you do. I wish I hadn’t done it when I was 18.
You can’t just be the spokesperson for your football club. Supporting them does not mean supporting all of their decisions or values. Blind loyalty only empowers malicious actors. You’ll be there long after they’re gone.
Please criticize the owners who jacked up ticket prices. Don’t blame people who fly thousands of miles for just one chance to watch their team.
Broadcaster: Don’t make fun of your fans. They know when the game is bad. Don’t pretend it’s good. Fans will love this game.
Please note that all soccer analysis is superficial. We rarely know how football players feel and what’s going on in their lives.
If a player plays for someone else, that player is not a traitor. That’s their job.
Referees are also human.
Don’t sing 10 German bombers. Don’t sing about tragedy. But please sing. And if do is the correct word, do “hands and feet.” There will come a time when you are sitting in the main stand and there are very few people moving their limbs around you.
Please take it as seriously as possible. But don’t get angry at people who don’t. None of it really matters.
Of course, you can ignore all this advice, but trust the replies. Yes, sunscreen is good too.
